Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
