hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
