Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im six kinds of drunk right now
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
