I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
