I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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