Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
