She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
