Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
