I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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