I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
