Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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