You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
