Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
