pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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