plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
