One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Randomize
