ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
