This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
