seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
