Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Oh god it's open bar.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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