remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
