omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
