well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
