Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
