My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
