He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
