after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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