I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
