I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
