I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
