She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
