remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
