I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
