He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
