Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
