i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
She announced her abortion via fbk
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
