Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
