If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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