oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
