It's like God shit irony all over that family
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
