3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
