I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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