I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
