i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
