I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
