We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
