Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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