got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
