unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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