I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I seem to have left my pride at pride
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
