Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
