I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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