Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
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