I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
