even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
