blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
