She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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