wrigley field is MILF paradise
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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