I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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