the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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