Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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