I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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