I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Your cock deserves a montage
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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