ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
