508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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