apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
