So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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