Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
